The life cycle of a season of Real Housewives is a beautiful thing to witness, especially all at once. This week, we saw one franchise barreling toward a dramatic finale as the ladies of The Real Housewives of Potomac realized the Grande Dame has double-crossed them all. Across the country, mid-season The Real Housewives of Orange Countyhit a turning point as COVID-19 swept into the U.S. and shut down production. And finally, The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, still early in its season, picked up steam as — to paraphrase a Utah icon — 5,600 people died, and it made the best Met Gala of all time. Read on for the moments that made this week in ‘wives!
HIGH POINT: Out of the box, RHOC
Our weekly visit to Orange County came just hours after Braunwyn publicly came out as a lesbian, and watching the episode with the insight that she is now finally “comfortable in [her] own skin,” as she repeatedly said in the announcement, gave it new significance. Much of the episode was about the women entering quarantine, but before the toilet paper hoarding began in earnest, Braunwyn goes makeup shopping with her son Jacob and says in her confessional “I have never been authentically myself,” but “you can only box someone up for so long.”
LOW POINT: Bathtime, RHOP
This week’s hour in Maryland opened with Karen inviting Ray to join her in the bathtub, which played out like a horror film as Ray slowly walked upstairs and Karen delivered some nightmarish lines, better forgotten, about unplugging holes. Incredibly, Karen came back even from this later in the episode by blatantly lying about who she’s inviting to her haphazard strip-mall wig party, sneakily trying to force a Monique-Candiace encounter, and tossing around vague allusions about drunk Juan. We need more of this Karen, less of, ugh, that one.
WILDEST MOMENT: A midday Met Gala, RHOSLC
Heather is quite right: The Met Gala has a different theme every year. So what, pray tell, does a Met Gala-themed luncheon look like? As I was disappointed to learn, it does not look like a room full of people wearing Rihanna costumes. No, a Mary M. Cosby Met Gala has betta fish centerpieces and Louis Vuitton AirPods. It rolls out a red carpet at the stroke of noon MST. Lunch opens with a long, tearful prayer and continues with enforced personal confessions. But first and foremost, it has 2003 Dom Pérignon: “2003 was the heat wave. Fifty-six hundred people died, and it made the best grapes of all time.”
👑 QUEEN OF THE WEEK 👑 Karen, RHOP
LOUDEST OFF-SEASON FRANCHISE:RHOBH really had a week, with Erika’s divorce getting interesting and a few of the ladies getting COVID. There’s no place like Beverly Hills.
REAL RELATABLE HOUSEWIFE: Heather, RHOSLC, making clear that there will be hell to pay if anyone clears the burger and the lollipop drumsticks, and also identifying herself as “a flapper with cankles.”
WORST QUARANTINE PREP: Shannon pointing out that baby wipes are not, in fact, antibacterial, RHOC
MOST OMINOUS CLOSING LINE: “I don’t know what else you need to see, if you want to see Jesus Christ of Nazareth himself come down to tap you on your lace front. But I’m telling you: She is not your friend.” —Wendy, RHOP
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